I've Fallen in Love, but He's Married!

In a culture where relationships are often defined by feelings rather than what's biblically right or wrong, it can be easy to convince ourselves that love puts the stamp of approval on any relationship including infidelity. Some of you may be saying, "Any Christian should know better than to become emotionally or intimately involved with someone who is married." But to know what is right and to do what is right are two different things. Once we allow our old sinful nature to take control, it doesn't take long until we find ourselves in a situation that most often is difficult to get out of. We then start to justify our behavior with statements like, "Their marriage has been over," "He's only there for the kids” “He doesn’t love her anymore,” or a most memorable one I've heard is, "The Lord is working this out for the both of us to be together."  Perhaps you've been told something on the lines of how unhappy and unfilled this man is and what his wife doesn't do, and all the negative things that is going on in the marriage and maybe you fell for it and now you're in love. This is not to bring shame on anyone but to help you recognize this type of relationship does not honor you and most importantly it does not honor God.

A married man is not simply an available man with relationship problems. He has made a covenant before God with another woman. And regardless of what he tells you about his marriage, stepping into that relationship romantically places you in a situation that God never intended for you to be. 1 Corinthians10:13 says, "The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure." The only way we will be able to overcome the temptation is to take the way out that God has given us. The problem is we often turn away from the exit. James 1:13-15 says, "When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." We must be very careful not to entertain conversations or lengthy one on one interactions that are unnecessary with those who are married. This could be a tempting situation, and your way of escape is to avoid those conversations and even places where you would be alone together. This is an open door for the enemy of our soul to creep in to put thoughts and desires in your heart that could lead you on a forbidden path. You must guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23), your walk with God, and your willingness to obey Him. If you’re not careful to guard your heart, one thing can lead to another, and before you know it, you’re asking yourself, how did I get here? You cannot keep entertaining what is not honorable to God and expect to walk away unaffected.

There are some women who love the thrill of sneaking, dodging and hiding, not really desiring a meaningful and lasting relationship and only desire to date married men. One young woman shared with me that, before she came to Christ, she wasn’t interested in a real relationship. She actually liked the fact that being involved with married men required no commitment. After they did their thing, he went home to his wife, and she went home to her own life. Although the relationship was wrong, her heart wasn’t deeply invested in it.

Sadly, that is not everyone’s story. Some women become emotionally attached and hold on to the hope that one day this man will leave his wife and they will finally be together. They wait, believe the promises, and imagine a future that may never come. But there is another question worth considering: If he is willing to leave his wife for you, what makes you believe he won’t one day leave you for someone else? Sometimes the very thing we hope will become our happily-ever-after should cause us to pause and ask, What kind of foundation am I building my future on? Please don't be deceived, this is not a season you want in your life, even for a moment. This seesaw relationship pulls so heavy on the heartstring, and the effects can be devastating!

If you are currently in an extramarital relationship, I strongly encourage you to release that connection to the Lord. Don’t linger in it any longer. He knows how you got there, He knows the details of your story, and He knows the condition of your heart. Most importantly, He is able to heal you. Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

As someone who has experienced heartbreak, I can personally testify that God can heal a broken heart. In the beginning, the pain may feel like it will never go away. You may wonder if you will ever feel whole again. But healing does come. And when it does, you will be able to look back and recognize that it was God who brought you through. Nothing and no one can restore like God.

Yes, walking away may hurt. Healing may require you to grieve what you hoped the relationship would become. But sometimes the pain we experience becomes part of the lesson we never forget. It reminds us of where we have been and helps us recognize the pitfalls we never want to return to. God will not leave you alone in this process. It is far better to walk away now than to continue going deeper into a relationship that is contrary to His Word and the path He has for your life. The longer you remain, the deeper the attachment can become and the harder it may be to walk away.

Take the first step. Release it to God and allow Him to walk you through the healing process. Spend time in prayer. Meditate on His Word. Allow His truth to speak louder than your emotions. And consider confiding in a mature, trustworthy believer—someone God places in your life who will respect your confidence, pray with you, and hold you accountable.

You may be surprised that the very place where you once experienced pain can eventually become a place from which you encourage someone else. Your story does not have to end with your mistake. God can redeem it, heal you, and use what you have learned to help someone else avoid the same pitfall.

 Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Trust the Lord with your heart and your future. You don’t have to figure it all out today, God has already figured it out on your behalf, you only have to follow His lead.