I've Fallen in Love, but He's Married!

In a culture where relationships are often defined by feelings rather than what's biblically right or wrong, it can be easy to convince ourselves that love puts the stamp of approval on any relationship including infidelity. Some of you may be saying, "Any Christian should know better than to become emotionally or intimately involved with someone who is married." But to know what is right and to do what is right are two different things. Once we allow our old sinful nature to take control, it doesn't take long until we find ourselves in a sinful situation that most often is difficult to get out of. We then start to justify our behavior with statements like, "Their marriage has been over," "He's only there for the kids” “He doesn’t love her anymore,” or a most memorable one I've heard is, " The Lord is working this out for the both of us to be together."  Perhaps you've been told something on the lines of how unhappy and unfilled this man is and what his wife doesn't do, and all the negative things that is going on in the marriage and maybe you fell for it and now you're in love. This is not to bring shame on anyone but to help you recognize this type of relationship does not honor you and most importantly it does not honor God.

A married man is not simply an available man with relationship problems. He has made a covenant before God with another woman. And regardless of what he tells you about his marriage, stepping into that relationship romantically places you in a situation that God never intended for you to be. 1 Corinthians10:13 says, "The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure." The only way we will be able to overcome the temptation is to take the way out that God has given us. The problem is we often turn away from the exit. James 1:13-15, When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. We must be very careful not to entertain conversations or lengthy one on one interactions that are unnecessary with those who are married. This could be a tempting situation, and your way of escape is to avoid those conversations and even places where you would be alone together. This is an open door for our adversary to creep in to put thoughts and desires in your heart that could lead you on a forbidden path. You must guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23), your walk with God, and your willingness to obey Him. You cannot play around on the enemy's territory and expect to walk away unscathed.

There are some women who love the thrill of sneaking, dodging and hiding, not really desiring a meaningful and lasting relationship. I've heard of those who only desire to date married men. One young lady shared with me before she came to Christ, she wasn't interested in a real relationship, she enjoyed the fact that she didn't have to commit. After they did their thing, he went to his house and she went to hers. But sadly, others are holding on to hope that one day this man will leave his wife and they will be together forever. It should make one think, if this man does leave his wife, how long will their relationship last before he looks at someone else. There are also those who have gone back to their spouses. Please don't be deceived, this is not a season you want in your life, even for a moment. This seesaw relationship pulls so heavy on the heartstring, and the effects can be devastating!

If you are currently in an extramarital relationship, I strongly encourage you to release that connection to the Lord. Don't linger in it any longer. He knows how it all came about and is able to heal your heart. Psalm 147:3 says," He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds." As one who has been brokenhearted, I am a witness that God can heal you. It feels like the pain will never go away but it will and you will know that it was God's doing. Nothing and no one can restore like our God. You may have to go through some pain, but sometimes pain is good in that you will never forget what you went through so that you may avoid that pitfall again. God will not leave you alone in this and it is better to walk away now than to go deeper into the relationship which means further in sin which is contrary to the path that He has for you. He will help you every step of the way on your healing journey. Through prayer and meditating on God's Word, this will bring comfort to your heart. It is also important to confide with someone in Christ who God shows you is confidential. This way, you can have someone you can be accountable to and before long, you will be able to encourage someone else in what you know God is able to do. Trust in the Lord (Proverbs 3:5-6) for your mate and your marriage.